Never Let Yourself Sink into the Blues Again – Counselling for Toads

If you're suffering—whether from family issues or work stress—this book offers comfort and guidance.

The story follows Mr. Toad, who falls into depression and undergoes ten counselling sessions to reclaim his joy, teaching us how to make ourselves happy again.

Making yourself happy involves two steps:

understanding yourself, then rewriting yourself.

Understanding Yourself

The book explains:

there are three ego states in every person’s life.

1. The Child Ego State
   People in this state react unconsciously with childhood habits, becoming vulnerable and emotional, instinctively depending on and pleasing others—a root of the “people-pleaser” personality.

2. The Parent Ego State
   Here, people criticize or “educate” others, often telling themselves and others “I’m doing this for your own good.” Some remain in an “invisible parent” mode, harshly judging themselves. This state stems from the values and rules imparted by caregivers.

3. The Adult Ego State
   This state employs reason over emotion: our knowledge and skills serve us, unclouded by childhood messages or parental voices.

According to the book:

all three states are essential for a successful life, but the Adult state holds special importance.

The Importance of the Adult State

Only in the Adult state can we avoid replaying childhood emotions or mimicking parental behaviors, allowing genuine learning and growth. Most unhappiness stems from living predominantly in the Child or Parent state. Recognizing these three states is key to understanding ourselves and shifting toward the Adult state.

Rewriting Yourself — Four Life Positions

The book states:

our childhood experiences shape how we view the world.

By ages four or five, we answer two questions:

1. How do I see myself—am I OK or not?
2. How do I see others—are they OK or not?

Our answers form one of four life positions:

I’m Not OK, You’re OK

The “Sad Child” feels inferior and undeserving of good things.

I’m OK, You’re Not OK

The “Critical Parent” constantly judges others as wrong, rarely reflecting inward.

I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK

Combining self-deprecation and contempt for others, this position traps one in a harmful cycle.

I’m OK, You’re OK

The ideal “Adult” trusts both self and others, blending independence with intimacy.

These positions define our worldview and the “psychological games” we unconsciously play.

Letting Go of the Script

To “rewrite your script,” the best method is to “discard the script” and live authentically. Reacting honestly to present needs breaks childhood patterns, freeing the true self from past constraints.

Finally, here’s a poignant closing line from the book:

There is no criticism more powerful than self-criticism, and no judge more severe than ourselves.

— Counselling for Toads: A Psychological Adventure

Counselling for Toads: A Psychological Adventure

• Author: Robert de Board
• Publication Year: 2020.8
• Category: Psychology

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