"Be Your Own Ally" - Give Yourself a Break

Have you ever felt that sometimes the very person holding you back is yourself?

Today, the book Give Yourself a Break aims to show those plagued by low self-esteem, excessive people-pleasing, and inner anxiety one simple truth:

You are your own ally—not merely a servant to others.

Love Yourself

We all know we should love ourselves, but what does that really mean?

Is it about indulging in endless shopping sprees, or jet-setting around the world? Not necessarily.

The book explains:

Self-love isn’t about performing specific actions; it’s about engaging in activities that evoke positive emotions within you—that is true self-love.

Some may find joy in shopping, but that might not work for you. In fact, you might end up feeling guilty or anxious as your account balance dwindles. If you discover that a simpler, more frugal lifestyle brings you peace and a sense of achievement, then choosing not to shop is, in its own way, loving yourself.

The key to genuine happiness isn’t doing what others think is right—it’s about asking yourself:

At this moment, what makes me feel comfortable, relaxed, and happy?

True self-love means protecting yourself from external noise and maintaining inner stability. While others may relentlessly pursue progress, we must tune in to our body and soul to decide when to pause.

The book further asserts:

True self-love does not demand constant upward striving; it simply allows you to sometimes move up, sometimes sideways, and sometimes even downward.

It’s about honoring your true state in every situation, rather than conforming to mainstream judgments of what’s good or bad.

The book observes:

We are a blend of procrastination and decisiveness, laziness and diligence, indulgence and perseverance, wastefulness and frugality.

Our lives are a constant oscillation between these opposing states. Loving yourself means doing what you can and forgiving yourself for what you cannot. Many find it hard to love themselves because they become entangled in the opinions of others, neglecting their own authentic feelings.

Caring too much about what others think essentially stems from a longing for connection—a duty that should be shared by both parties. Relationships become burdensome when you try to shoulder them alone.

The book remarks:

Worrying about others' opinions arises from not having been truly loved, compelling you to seek validation from more people.

In this process, many of us resort to people-pleasing behaviors, most notably the inability to push back or say no. The book offers detailed explanations and strategies on these issues, including tips on "How to Counter Accusations in a Sentence" and "Various Ways to Say No."

Ultimately, the key to overcoming this challenge is cultivating a deep, meaningful relationship.
When you lack a profound connection to lean on, you tend to compensate with numerous shallow relationships. Yet, the person with whom you can build the deepest bond might very well be yourself.

Once you learn to give yourself a break and truly love yourself, no one else will have the power to hold you back.

Conclusion

The author, Cong Feicong—a psychological counselor—has distilled years of insights from observing the myriad uncertainties his clients face in life. Divided into four chapters and 24 sections, the book strives to help us filter out feelings of inferiority, people-pleasing, anxiety, and internal conflict, ultimately guiding us toward a more centered self. If you're curious, it’s well worth a read.

Finally, here is a quote from the book to close today's reading:

If you refuse, others learn your limits;

If you express, others understand your perspective;

If you fight for what you need, others recognize your demands.

— Give Yourself a Break

Give Yourself a Break

• Author: Cong Feicong
• Publication Year: 2024.08
• Category: Cognitive Growth

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